It's time for B-A-S-K-E-T-B-A-L-L!!

Tayler made Basketball!! What a relief!! As Brian watched kids come out of tryouts (week long) who have played since kingergarten and scored average of 20 pts per game NOT make it, his hopes were beginning to go on the on the "dark side" .........but, Tayler made it!!! He is good and is very determined/persistent, worked hard, and in my opinion, deserves to make it (I AM his mom-ya know!), but believe me this is God's grace!! Obviously, God saw it fit in His plan for Tayler's life to be part of this team. Because the coaches grade on height, teacher comments, grades, skill, we were worried he wouldn't make it b/c of height.......and.....we were on pins and needles all day....to say the least......)more like all year for his momma!) We knew Tay had excellent grades, teacher comments, and skill but as a parent, you still worry!! Although, Tay knows EVERYTHING about football and coaches the coaches on the game when he plays (lol), basketball is his favorite sport to play!! I have been worried since last year about try-outs!! Of course, we will post pics of his playing!! Thanks for your investment in his life and ours as well! We love you all!!

Girly time! and fourth visit!

We played make up and top model-Makaylyn's favorite-her poses are so funny!! Enjoy!

ps Although they had make up on, Karin did not!:)

Tayler cut his hair!!

Yes, this is worth posting about because his locks have been long for about two years now. He finally cut it...I think he was ready but he had to cut them for basketball. He looks taller to me, but maybe he just looks more grown up with his hair shorter! He's my cutie!

It's Pumpkin time! (and some girl time too)

These are pics of last weekend...I know I am very behind on blogs but been very busy. Enjoy the pics!

ps That intricate detail on the pumpkin was not easy!

M & M's second visit!

Through a special yet really hard to describe set of circumstances, we have had these girls over the past few weekends and will continue to have them on the weekends for quite a while....it may result in more, we aren't sure. We are unsure at this point but are enjoying our time with them now......they are so precious! We have had great friends give us so many clothes...recognize any of those clothes Jules/Wendy?.....and my little ponies..gotta love those..I wrote many a story about those ponies when I was young..."my little ponies, my little ponies!".....oh, how magical those ponies were.....they were as magical as unicorns and such..with feelings, hopes, dreams, how funny!.... and barbies..gotta love princess barbie! don't we all wish we looked like her?!

for these gifts we are so thankful!!! Thank you lovelies!!

Excuse the blurry pics! It is hard to get good pics when you are taking care of several children:)

Beautiful Flowers and Beautiful Friends!

I receieved these flowers from several friends at work. They are just beautiful. We have them as the centerpiece on our dining room table. Everytime I pass them, they make me smile. These friends and others have truly refreshed, renewed, and blessed our spirits at this time. I wanted to share the beauty with all of our fellow bloggers and family. What a blessing good friends are in a difficult time. I pray I will always be the same to others as they have been to us.

Tribute to Mom

This is the slideshow played at our mom's memorial service. The end of it is a part of her final choir performance at her church performed a few weeks earlier.

Thank yous , the worst week ever and a small world...

We got back from Arizona late Saturday night. I would like to thank everyone (most of whom we need to thank will never read this so we will be sending out letters in the next few days) for all your love, support and help. This week was way more stressful than I could have ever imagined but having an awesome support network of friends and family around the country praying for us was a big help. People did everything from helping us financially, giving us rides, watching Tayler and Cookie and having us over for dinner. Even the people at American Airlines put us on the same flight as my sister on the way back and the clerk at the hotel gave us a great view from our room. We got home and received several cards and emails of encouragement and condolences.

The worst week ever is pretty obvious. We got off the plane and spent the entire day Tuesday on the planning of my mom's memorial service. We also began going through some of her things for us to take home. There was so much to get done and we basically did (and paid) for all of it. One thing that I learned this week is that funerals can bring out the best and worst in people. My siblings and I were treated as second class family members for most of the week and it was a challenge to truly grieve the loss of our mother. But, it was good to be with my family through this time. We spent most of the last few days after the service just hanging out- my brother and I hunting Star Wars characters. We had one last meal together and said our goodbyes. The last few days felt completely different from the first few in that we all had such a weight lifted off of us. I am proud of my brother for his leadership and hard work this week. He stepped up to his role and kept peace as best as possible. He was a great leader and made sure that mom was honored to the best of his ability.

Now for the small world. I never knew what my mom did for a career. Admittedly we have not been very close but I have never known what she has done jobwise. Well,when I resigned from the church in May I began looking for a part-time job shortly after that. I have not told to many people where I work for a couple of reasons. One is that it is so far out of anything that I have done I did not know if I would be there very long. Two, I almost have my Masters and feel the job is beneath me. However, I have bills to pay and so I accepted the job. I am working with A.R.S. Indiana. I am an appointment generator in the Home Depot's. Now, I have done very well with this and have exceeded sales goals by 300 and 400% each month.

Last Tuesday I was riding around with my sister and she asked if I was working at Home Depot. I told her what I did and she said "No way! That's who mom worked for!" Not only that but my sister also worked for them for a short time. My head hurt! I called my boss the next day and he said he had the email about my mom's death on his desk. He said there would be people from corporate at her service. I just could not believe that I had been working at the same company my mom had and that she was so beloved by the company. There were so many people and flowers from ARS at her service. So, while it is not my dream job I definitely have more pride in what I do knowing it is a bond I share with my mom for now.

The hard part begins...

Karin and I are leaving early Tuesday morning for Arizona. It has been a very long weekend. I could not have imagined the depth of loss that I feel. Admittedly my mom and I were not that close over the past several years and yet there is an emptiness inside of me that I am surprised by. My first thought is that I do not want God to fill this emptiness. I want to embrace it and experience this loss fully. Maybe someday I will want him to fill it but not now. I talked to my grandmother and she pointed out that it probably feels like a dream right now. And she is right. Once I got the travel details down and some other logistics I put the coming week in the back of my mind. I am fully anticipating that the week ahead will be far more than I can handle on my own.

There is so much more to write but I do not want to take the focus off of my mother this week. My dad was admitted to the ER over the weekend and there could be some uncomfortable dynamics this week (and that is a HUGE understatement but I will explain later). So, please continue to pray for us as a family and our time in Arizona. We have received so many wonderful words of prayer and encouragement. Thank you. Please don't stop because the hard part is still ahead and I cannot go through this week without a covering of prayer. Sometimes life can feel so isolating and you hate that a tragedy has to occur for people to realize what is truly important in life and to move past the pettiness.

My mom

My mom passed away today, September 28th. I got a call from my brother telling me she had died in a car accident. I was in shock and couldn't hardly speak except for a few expletives. I called Karin and became hysterical. I left work and came home to start sorting through everything. My brother called later and told me apparently it was not a car accident but she was on her way to work and pulled over into a neighbor's driveway and died instantly.

She was 58 almost 59 (this October). She was healthy, active and very spiritual. I always thought that I would have some sixth sense before something like this so you could say your goodbyes. But, that didn't happen and she died with me still never really forgiving her. It's too much to go into now but that will be one of my biggest regrets. I was able to see her a few months ago at my grandfather's funeral and we were able to mend some brokenness. It was the first time I had seen her in over 10 years. Karin and Tayler got to meet her for the first time.

I know the next few days (weeks, months) are going to be difficult. I already have remorse, anger and depression. I am not sure of the funeral arrangements as it has literally been just a few hours since her death. But, I will be leaving for Tuscon, AZ in the next few days. I do not think that Karin and Tayler will be going.

I will post more soon but had to use this as a way to write out everything going on in my head and heart. Some posts in the future will probably be kept private. Thank you for your prayers.

Just wondering out loud...

I've been in kind of a funk the past few months. I know there was a grieving process of leaving a ministry. I also realize that I am finishing my Master's (graduation is December 15th). But, I also feel as though I am having an awakening in my own life. For months I have tried to piece together exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I allowed my frustration with the institutional church come out. I have not been able to complete my final project because of everything I was feeling and thinking. I had an idea of what I wanted to say but did not know if it would be seen as a toddler throwing a fit or as a visionary who has a clear message. I am hoping for the latter, though depending on your view of me, it might come across as the former.

I do not know why it took me so long to figure any of this out. But, I know a turning point came a few weeks ago at our prayer/ launch team meeting. One of the ladies attending stopped me in my tracks and prayed over me. She prayed that I would be freed from the prescribed way of thinking about and doing church. I appreciated the prayers but still felt extreme confusion and fear.

It has been over a month since then and four months since my resignation and I still wrestle with God's will in all of this. However,I have been remembering what God has been doing in me since college. I grew extremely dissatisfied with the traditional church and quit going. I wanted to be a part of something that I felt was making a difference and not just fulfilling a duty. I looked at the multi-million dollar complexes and wondered what God thought of it all. I began attending a church plant that seemed to have the same heart. I then briefly went to seminary in Texas believing that is where I should be. I soon left because of the reliousness of the seminary. But, my journey began long before then.

Today, I began to be overwhelmed with our financial stress. I realize that I cut us off from the Wesleyan church, I chose not to work for a month and that I am driving a truck that has 216,000 miles on it. But, I "told God" that if He wanted me to plant this church then I would need to see His provision. If I could not take care of my family then I would not believe this is where I was being lead. A friend of ours pointed out that most people would look at me and think that I lost my mind. I sometimes agree with that sentiment.

I look around and see that really the only thing I am qualified for (and even care about) is church ministry. It is both frustrating and freeing. It is frustrating because I cannot get a job that will pay a decent salary so I have to settle for just anything. It is freeing because I "know"* that this is where God has me (*knowing in the sense that I have a desire to see the people in these communities reached out to and I do not feel a peace about going anywhere else). Now, admittedly I have always struggled with going between thinking too highly and too lowly of myself. I think that with my experience, education and leadership abilities that I could be working in a cushy church somewhere making a nice salary (and maybe someday I will). But, then I go back to why we started Restoration- there is a whole group of people that are being left out of the traditional, institutional churches- even the ones who claim to have "post-modern services". I see what has happened in just two services and am amazed. But, it is so challenging.

I remember when I told the pastor that I did not want to go through the Wesleyan church's process. I came home singing "I'm free" and wanted to download every song on freedom. I am so sick of committees, power players and politics in the church. I am sick of so called "accountability" (which is often nothing more than the "will to power" over another). Admittedly I do not like authoritarian authorities. I understand the need for accountability but accountability is not code for dehumanizing another and dissecting their every move. I like being trusted and given freedom to do what I feel called to do. I thrive on being creative, a visionary and seeing a "missional code" in a given community.

Last week I was talking with a local pastor and sharing my heart with him. He said "oh yeah, I've been reading a lot about the emergent church". That one statement set off so many lightbulbs. Yes, I am planting an emergent church. It is not something we are doing it is who I am. I don't know why it took me so long. I have been indoctrinated with postmodernism and the emergent church for the past five years. I have held these beliefs long before I knew any terminology or models. But, understanding this movement has put words to my thoughts and legitimized what I had been feeling.

The emergent church is more than I can explain in this little post. But, some common themes is that it is relational, a journey, leadership is from the bottom to the top, experiential, and missional. I am beginning to come out of this fog and find my footing. I have wondered if I would grow into this role or if I would look for a new position in a few months. The only thing I can say is that I am on a journey :) I don't have to have it all figured out. I see God moving and growing me up. I see people being drawn to him through this ministry. Our bills are being paid on time and we have food to eat. But, I also wonder if this area is open to a ministry that is so far out of the box as where I want to go. I feel that in some ways I outgrew my last position and was ready to move on. Now, I am trying to plant my roots and it feels like every breeze could knock me over and destroy me.

If you have read this far you must not have much else going on because I feel there is a lot of randomness in this post. Thank you for your time. I will continue thinking out loud (Thank you, Chris (my brother from another mother), for your vulnerability and giving me courage to stretch myself).

Baptism and Brokenness

This past Sunday was our second service for Restoration. The word is spreading on who we are as a church. There were not as many people at this second service but the Lord showed up in amazing ways. Right from the beginning of the service we began to see people broken before the Lord. We heard testimonies and stories from several people who were at different stages in their walk with God. It was encouraging to hear people's struggles but to also hear how people have been victorious. It was a perfect night to end with a baptism. The topic was "Is there more to faith?" and we looked at how faith changes everythang! It was a fun night and the next one will be on "Is there more to marriage?" We'll have a bonfire after the gathering.

Especially Heather

I have been following this blog and you should too.......it is amazing and moving to say the least....click on the link below

Restoration Church Second Service

It's hard to believe but our second service is this coming Sunday at 6 p.m. It is still at the Lizton Lion's Club. The topic is "Is there more to faith?" Does having faith really matter or is it just an "insurance policy"? We're going to explore the different purposes of faith and why having it should make a difference in our lives. Like last time music will be lead by Shifting Shadows and it will be casual. You can go to www.restorationchurch1.org for more information.

Next month the topic is "Is there more to marriage?" We will explore God's intent for marriage and how we can experience what God has for us.

Finally, if anyone is interested we are having a launch team meeting this Wednesday night to go over the weekend schedule, pray and brainstorm different ideas for the church. The meeting is at mine and Karin's house and begins around 7'ish. I try to keep to an hour or so.

God Is in Control...Yada... Yada... Yada

God Is in Control...Yada... Yada... Yada
by Len Evans

I toyed with the idea of writing this anonymously because I was scared that it would come across bitter and angry since…well, I'm probably bitter and angry.

David wrote about walking through the valley of the shadow of death; well, this past year it seems like we've been camping out in the valley of the shadow of death—and the dangers, toils, and snares have come courtesy of some Christians and some churches.

I've never served in a true mega-church (2000 on a Sunday) or had 200 active students every week, but I've been fortunate and able to do some pretty cool things in youth ministry land. I graduated from a great seminary, pastored thriving youth ministries, spoke at national youth worker conventions, and wrote lots of articles and curriculum—even a recent book.

Despite all these accolades and appearances of success, it's been a rough haul recently. So I thought I'd share some of my recent journey with all of its fear, doubt, and messiness, written in the moment.

The Dark Days – 4 months ago

I've been looking for a new ministry position for over six months. I left the church and have been without income for almost three months; my savings will run out soon. I've played back the last church situation in my head hundreds of times. Seems it "wasn't a good fit"—which was true in some ways. At the end, my senior pastor told me I didn't fit in well with the church culture—and I agreed, since it seems to be characterized by material affluence that's led to an attitude of entitlement.

I made mistakes and I could've done things better, but I didn't do anything worthy of being asked to leave…er, excuse me…I "resigned"—of course, it was made clear to me that it'd be easier to provide some severance if I agreed my departure was 100% mutual.

There were no moral issues, my behavior was above reproach, and I was told that I'd left with grace. (Does telling this story—albeit true—still qualify me for leaving with grace?)

I believe there's a plan for me, but I just wish God didn't have to use these kinds of people to accomplish it.

The Darkest Night

I've never really considered abandoning youth ministry until tonight. I looked at my wife and told her, "If this church that we're talking to doesn't work out, I'll leave youth ministry. I'll leave any sort of ministry."

I'm tired of my wife being hurt by promises that are broken by church leaders. I'm tired of telling my daughters, "It'll be okay, maybe this next church is where Jesus wants us to be," and "No honey, we're not poor yet. Don't worry about those kinds of things." But most of all, I'm tired of being treated like a corporate employee who's simply there to do the bidding of the higher ups.

This whole experience makes me just want to find a job to pay the bills, focus on loving my family, and go hide in a church rather than serve in one. Then fear kicks in as I wonder who would hire a 35-year-old former youth pastor with no "real world" experience. I still, and always will, love the church; though some churches really tick me off with how they treat people, especially youth workers.

Don't get me wrong. Some youth workers should be fired. Heck, some of us never should have become full-time youth workers in the first place! But right now, it feels like there are a lot more of us out there who should be treated better than we are.

I've had over 20 phone interviews with different churches, and yet not one place has worked out. Four have been very close. One even said, "We can have you here in two weeks," and then the next day called and said, "We're sorry; we think we rushed the process."

Maybe God is telling me that I should get out of ministry or maybe that I should wait. I'm not sure what the answer is, and I'm not sure, at this moment, what I want the answer to be. My theology tells me that God is in control and in the end it'll all be okay—but right now I don't want to hear it, and frankly I'm not sure if I believe it.

The Rest of the Story

It seems that my camping permit to the valley of the shadow of death was a temporary one. It was so dark on some days that I joked with my wife that if it got much worse I was going to take my daughters' Bibles and pitch them, saying, "You won't need those." I didn't really want to, but that's how low I was feeling—wow!

As I reviewed what I wrote four months ago as a cathartic exercise at my lowest point in the search process, it's still hard to relive or even recall the extent of the pain I was experiencing.

After interacting with over 40 churches in response to my resume, I'm currently a volunteer youth pastor while working a full-time job somewhere else. Lots of stuff about this church excites me, especially the leadership. They're all on the same page, and they know where they're going. And they're hoping by faith and proper planning to hire me full-time in another 4-5 months.

Meanwhile, a church of 8,000 contacted me last week with the words, "You're at the top of our list." But the truth of the matter is that this church of 350 is such a great fit that I'd rather be here as a volunteer than pursuing that next step up the youth ministry success ladder.

Through this process I learned several things: to trust God more than my resume; that contentment comes from God's plans, not mine: and that it's okay to hurt when life's circumstances go from bad to horrid. Most importantly, I learned that God really is in control, even when I think about pitching the kids' Bibles.

Len Evans is the author of Creative Bible Lessons in 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus and is the family pastor for Grace Bible Church in La Vernia

Foster Parenting

Many of you know that we were foster parents several years ago. We have taken in lots of kids and thought we would even adopt a couple of them. It has been almost four years and we are beginning that journey again. We are in training this weekend and next. Just like before we don't know where this will lead or what children will be brought into our lives. But, this is a path we are pursuing out of a love and passion we believe God has given us. It is always scary to open yourself up for all to see. I (Brian) am a very guarded person and do not like the scrutiny or politics that go with foster parenting. However, I believe even more firmly that every child deserves a home and parents. And, so, it is with this in mind that we cautiously and prayerfully step forward. We know so much more this time around and feel much more prepared. That does not mean that it will be easy but we might just give ourselves a little more grace. Pray for us that we will have discernment, love for the children, and wisdom to do this for God's glory.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" James 1:27 (New International Version)

World Restoration Church? updated 9/8/07

I know- sounds strange. When we started this church that was the name I wanted to go with but I was afraid it would sound a little nutty so I went the safe route and called it Restoration Community Church. However, I have been looking at where people are from who use our website and it has been surprising. We have people from Florida, Washington, Virginia, Texas, Michigan, South Carolina, North Carolina and many other states visiting. But, there are also people from Korea, India, Russia, Italy, France and Poland (and other countries) visiting on a regular basis. It is truly becoming a global community. So, who knows? Maybe it will be "World Restoration Church" before too long and that is very exciting.

We checked who's been to our site and there have been people from Beijing, China, Malaysia, Germany and the Netherlands. It's just very cool to see a worldwide community developing and to be a part of it.

Is There More To Life?

I have posted the manuscript to my first message on the church website. I tried a new format for it that seemed to work well. There are three 8 minute parts and after each there was time for interaction and discussion. We have received a lot of positive feedback from it. Feel free to comment, critique or use it as a devotional. Thanks!

Restoration Church Second Service

I'm tinkering with some new software. I am trying to create a really cool flyer for the church. Let me know what you think of this first draft. You can click on it for a bigger view.

First football game of 07

Tayler's first football game of 2007 was last week (sorry for being late in posting, I know I have ADHD and do not have the patience for pics to download)Tri-West won 20-7 and Tayler was thrown two-two point conversions. Tonight, he was also thrown a pass to almost tie the game. He is being used more this year than ever! He is safety and running back. Enjoy the pics. We love you guys! -Leave a comment!
ps He is #1 (of course he is, but really his number is number 1)