Karin and I are leaving early Tuesday morning for Arizona. It has been a very long weekend. I could not have imagined the depth of loss that I feel. Admittedly my mom and I were not that close over the past several years and yet there is an emptiness inside of me that I am surprised by. My first thought is that I do not want God to fill this emptiness. I want to embrace it and experience this loss fully. Maybe someday I will want him to fill it but not now. I talked to my grandmother and she pointed out that it probably feels like a dream right now. And she is right. Once I got the travel details down and some other logistics I put the coming week in the back of my mind. I am fully anticipating that the week ahead will be far more than I can handle on my own.
There is so much more to write but I do not want to take the focus off of my mother this week. My dad was admitted to the ER over the weekend and there could be some uncomfortable dynamics this week (and that is a HUGE understatement but I will explain later). So, please continue to pray for us as a family and our time in Arizona. We have received so many wonderful words of prayer and encouragement. Thank you. Please don't stop because the hard part is still ahead and I cannot go through this week without a covering of prayer. Sometimes life can feel so isolating and you hate that a tragedy has to occur for people to realize what is truly important in life and to move past the pettiness.